Parents - Prospective - Effects on student

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The College Search Process: Effects on the Student

A time of transition
Senior year is the time of life when a student begins to realize that while one foot is still planted firmly in high school, the other is stepping toward the unfamiliar world of college. While this is an exciting prospect, the uncertainty of the college selection process – and the lack of firm ground to stand on – can be disconcerting.

An ending -- high school is over
When students realize that high school is nearly over, some begin to feel a sense of loss and insecurity. Many also have feelings of sadness and some degree of anxiety. In a few cases, seniors may exhibit extreme stubbornness and even withdraw somewhat from family and friends. Their academic pursuits and productivity may suffer as they try to deal with the prospect of their closest friends being accepted to college and moving on with their lives.

Parents need to be sensitive to these feelings. They are real. Parents should not, for instance, add salt to the open wound by talking enthusiastically about the wonderful vacation they are planning after their child is off to college. And, by all means, do not ever mention the "new" plans you may have for your student’s room!

Acknowledge that this is a stressful time
• Choosing the best "fit" from the 3,600 four-year U.S. colleges is no easy task.
• Three-and-a-half hour SAT exams can be very stressful, as students are constantly reminded how important the results are to their future.
• College interviews are a scary proposition, not because they are actually scary but because they are a brand new experience for the student, who has no clear idea of what is going to happen.
• The pressure to pick a major is intense. Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays are filled with well-meaning relatives inquiring not only where the student is going to college in the fall but also what their major is going to be!

Each senior’s response to this change varies.
Every senior has a somewhat different reaction to the pressures and anxiety they are faced with during this time of their life. Seniors who have a lot of self-confidence and enjoy change will likely negotiate the psychological aspects of the college search process with relative ease. If, however, the student living in your household has always resisted periods of change in their lives (i.e, changing grade levels, changing schools, changing churches, changing towns), you might want to consider putting a support plan in place to share this college search experience with them!

Key elements of a parent support plan
• As the parent of a high-school senior, you must realize it is not "cool" for your student to openly discuss the fact that he or she might be under a lot of stress. It is up to you to keep an eye on developments, and at appropriate times, invite a discussion of the student’s "feelings" about the college search process that they are negotiating for the first time in their lives. Many seniors are like a duck gliding across the water. From a distance they seem very calm, but underneath they might be paddling like mad to stay afloat!
• Family ties are very important at this time. As these changes are occurring, the high-school senior needs to know that they have a very supportive home base from which to operate. An atmosphere that encourages open discussion of feelings and events needs to be established at home. Remember, the window is closing on the time you have left at home with this senior. Plan many family activities during this senior year and make the most of the remaining time you have with your child.
• This is also a time of change for parents. You, too, will experience a range of emotions related to your "baby" leaving home. These feelings may also be more intense if this is the last child leaving the nest or is your only child. Remember that you have given them roots, now it is time to give them wings!
• It is also important to remember that the college search process should contain several fun components along the way, scheduled after stressful events like SAT test dates, college interview days, etc. Celebrations are in order. Do not forget to celebrate the first college acceptance, the college final decision and the night before the first day of college!

Ways you know you have an empty nest
• The phone never rings.
• When the phone rings, it is for you.
• You spend $150 less a week on groceries, soda and pizza.
• Car’s gas gauge registers on something other than "E."
• Your ABBA CD is still in the stereo 24 hours after you played it.
• You find a dirty wadded up sock behind a sofa and burst into tears.